Project 1

Hey Camille,

I chose to review your project because I was interested in the fact that you chose to do a blog which fits your story perfect. TheBoogeyman is a very common "killer," in American tradition which makes it perfect for a blog! You are great at keeping summary away from analysis and I enjoyed the organization of your blog. I do have a couple ideas for you that may strengthen the genre you chose to go with. First, I would recommend adding some background of the boogeyman or the author just because he is a well known killer, it will really draw in your audience to read about a childhood monster. Add a clear thesis in the introduction.  I also advise that you shorten your summary because all of the childrens' deaths are exactly the same. Lastly, go back and do a grammar check. I love this idea of a blog and I strongly believe that with these small changes it will execute the purpose of this assignment. Good job! 

Sara Rodriguez

Hey Cami!

Okay here we go...

Great start! Everyone knows the boogeyman, so you are really going to get the attention of an audience. I think you will keep the attention of the audience as well just by the story you chose, people love it! 

The way you broke up the structure of your project is really awesome. I love sub-headers. It was a very good idea to use them. I could probably also tell that the genre you picked was a blog even if I didn't know up front because of the distinct features in a blogand how you incoorporated them. Bullet points. I loved it! It broke up the paragraphs and allows a reader to breathe a little.Blogs are meant to be read, but not as a book so bravo! 

In terms of your content, I think that the summary, although it is good, is actually meant to be sort of dispersed throughout your analysis in main points, if at all! The people should know about the story, not only because this story specifically is well known, but because your analysis is really meant to provide another dimension to what they already know. I couldn't find a specific thesis, but I could tell that you were analyzing. It really is unique, and if you like it as is then Im sure you can leave it, its just a traditional analysis has a thesis, even though this seems to be very fitting in the way you did it. Maybe you could shorten your summarization and change the subtitle to intro or something of that nature, and include part thesis and a more condensed summary so that it doesn't take away from your word count but replaces some room from the summary with helpful information for the reader. 

Other then that, great job.(:

Jonathan Gamez

Camille,

Hello, I am Sarah, the new IA! First off, your blog post looks AMAZING! The corny ads and the link to other articles... It's just perfect! I can tell that you put a ton of work into this.

Onto the content, I will be going section by section:

Summary- This section was very good and in depth. The first thing that I notice is that it is all one big paragraph. This is intimidating to the reader. In general, if it's more than 8 lines long, the reader gets intimidated and is likely to quit reading or not start at all. Breaking this paragraph up into more bite-sized chinks would really help it to be easier to read. Content wise, you never explain who Andy is (though we can later infer.) You also don't explain the ending? Like, what the therapist the boogey man? It almost seems like you got cut off in the middle of your summary. Because of this I didn't understand until the second part that theboogey man wasn't suggested to be an actual monster but a person. You have to explain it to the audience, that's why they're reading! Even if it's vague, make sure you say "This suggests it was a person/Lester was crazy/" etc.

Text- This is still kind of vague about the ending. Was it suggested that the therapist was the killer? Is it suggested that the killer got the therapist? Other than that this seems to be a very solid section.

Video- Here you say " The 1982 version also had a huge in packed (I assume you meant impact) because some parts of the video were hard to understand " You don't really go on to say how or why the quality impacted it? Was it more mysterious because you couldn't see things? More confusing? I really enjoy your comparison of the differences of the films and the book!

Your analysis seems very strong, and your summaries go into a lot of depth. The only other things I can recommend looking at are in the rubric of the assignment prompt. It states that literary analyses include

" A discussion of the historical, social, political, or other contexts surrounding your artifact. Your audience must understand the context surrounding your artifact to understand what it means.

An explanation of your theoretical perspective or rules governing your analysis. Identity which literary concepts will guide your analysis of the artifact"

I did not get these strongly, other than your discussion of technology. Adding these to your project would really bring it up a notch! As you're going along, check back through the assignment prompt to make sure you are hitting all of the points necessary! Keep up the great work.

-Sarah